The Right to Be Ourselves
by Fruityferret
Summary: Tori knows the only way Jade is going to be happy is if she admits to everyone she is gay. She plans on getting Jade to admit her feelings even if it ruins them both. Hey, maybe that new gay rights club in Hollywood Arts will be her end answer? Then again, maybe it's just the start of her problems...
1. How do You Do that?

**(Tori's POV) Hollywood Arts***

Friday afternoon, I walked down the school hallway toward the stage room with my friend Cat. I listened to my red-headed friend babble as she went on and on about the play we were both going to audition for.

6 Months to Live and Love. Some play by a lonely German dude who based it off some time in his life. The pretense of the play I wasn't really concerned about. Zit was being in the lead. Big shot Hollywood producers were coming down to see this one. This could be a make it or break it moment.

I wasn't even really listening to Cat. I was too busy trying to push that anxious feeling in my stomach down.

Cat jumped in front of me, her red hair flying as if her excitement sent shockwaves through it. "When I was telling Jade about it, she said it sounded really sappy. But I think it's very romantic."

"Sounds like it is," I replied. "Do you think I'll get the lead role?"

"I'm sure you will," Cat said. "And it'll be even better if I get the role of Corrina, her number one supporter," she said while twirling in her red dress. Her matching red and black heels clacking on the floor.

I couldn't help but laugh a little at Cat while she continued to frolic and twirl as we entered the stage room. My friend could act like such a kid sometimes.

That's when I noticed Cat heading straight into someone who was looking in the opposite direction. "Cat watch ou-" the words had barely left my mouth before Cat ran into him. A flurry of red hair and papers flew upward as they headed downward with a _thump._

I'm over there in a second, kneeling down as Cat rolls onto her knees. The guy, who looked slighty familiar, sat up rubbing the back of his head. "OW!" They both said. I knelt down beside my friend and helped Cat up. The boy followed. "That really hurt," he mumbled.

"Oh my gosh," Cat said. "I'm so, so, so sorry."

"You have to excuse my friend Cat," I said. "She's a klutz."

Cat looked at her confused. "I'm not a bird."

I let out a sigh and he laughed. "No problem. I don't think anything's broken. I'm Mitch," he said, smiling. "And I agree that your friend Cat doesn't look like a bird." This put Cat into a fit of little giggles as she clutched onto my arm.

That's when I noticed how handsome he was and where'd I had seen him before. He was in my math class next semester. We'd never really talked because while I tried to focus on exponents, he had his face down on the desk fast asleep. Mrs. Render was always complaining, but didn't even attempt to wake him up. "Hi, I'm Tori," I said. Was that a blush creeping on my cheeks?

Just then, Mr. Klein, the play director, came over. He was a young and had a five o' clock shadow. "Mitch, I saw you fall. Are you alright? I can't have one of my stars getting an injury."

"I'm fine," he said, fixing his dark brunette hair to lay flat in the back. Mmm he was yummy.

"So you're in the play?" I asked casually as we started walking toward the front of the classroom where all the other kids auditioning were.

He nodded. "Yep. I play the bartender, Jackson," he said.

Some of the words that didn't completely fly over my head that Cat had said was something like "Bartender" and "one true love,". Yeah something like that. Close enough.

"Okay everyone," Mr. Klein called out, clapping small dainty hands in the air. Kinda adorable. Would never say that out loud, though. I heard the last play participant who pissed him off got booted to Area 51 or something like that. Rumors, you know?

"We're starting auditions now for the part of Annie so get ready!"

I looked at Cat who had finally released my arm. "That's me. Wish me luck."

Mitch nudged me a bit. I turned to see him close to my face and I blushed, harder. "I hope you get the part of Annie," he said and walked over to the stage. He was definitely flirting.

I smiled to myself. All I could think about was getting my lips on his. Suddenly, I felt uncomfortable. Not that uncomfortable feeling when you talk to a guy then realize you weren't looking good or that you should've said something different. It felt like someone was watching me all of the sudden. Over by the stage steps, I noticed Jade glaring at me. Her eyes were cold and hateful, something not uncommon, but I hadn't talked to her or Beck all day. But this glare caused shivers. Ones that all vibrated my spine out of my back.

"A glare that could scare the hell out of Big Foot," I mumble to myself.

"What was that?" Cat asked. Two big brown eyes that read confusion and child-like interest. If I wasn't so used to it, it might border on creepy-cute.

"Nothing," I say, waving my hand dismissively. "Come on, I gotta get on stage."

Break

"No, Annie," Mitch said, deep into his Jackson role. "I won't let you leave me."

Everyone in the audience was quiet, looking interested. Especially Mr. Klein. He was hunched over in his director's chair, assessing me with the upmost interest as a walked close to Mitch.

"I'm sorry, Jackson," I said dramatically, letting my voice quiver. "But we can't be together. I don't have much longer to live so you should just forget about me." I turned away.

He walked up to me, turned me around swiftly, the stage lights are beating down on us, causing some sweat to drip down his forehead. "I'll leave now but I will never forget about you Annie." I felt her cheeks blush slightly. He leans down, and his lips press against mine.

I really hate to say it, but damn. I felt that anticipation. Those feelings you get before you're about to kiss someone. The build-up. When those thought "Does my breath smell good?" and "Tori your head right" or "don't look to desperate" and other crap like that. Then, your lips are supposed to meet and you're supposed to bust with butterflies on the inside. But nope.

Nothing.

I forced myself more into the kiss. But this time all that went through my head was the frustration. I wanted to feel like this was it. Some hot guy comes out of nowhere and we meet so romantically and then once we kiss we know it's love and nothing else. But of course I'm not so lucky. It's empty. There's nothing there. No butterflies, no racing heart, no thoughts for something more. Just a kiss. A nice kiss, but just a kiss.

He pulls me closer. All I can think is "Let me go! I can't Breathe! I want more! I need something better from you!" But no such luck.

"And CUT!" Mr. Klein yelled. We pull apart. He's smiling at me. And I force on Tori Vega smile at him. One of those fake ones I keep in my pocket for times like this. For a split second, I wondered if I was going to run out of them. "Great job the both of you. Let's take a break everyone."

Mitch took a step back and smiled. "You were awesome," he said.

"Thanks, you too," I replied. I'm sure he was expecting more, but by the grace of someone in the universe Mr. Klein called Mitch. He gave me a nod and headed toward the play director.

"I think he likes you," Cat said, skipping over to me.

"I think he does too." I thought about going out with him. He seemed nice enough. But that kiss. For me, so much disappointment. He definitely wasn't the one. Maybe he'd be a good distraction, but no. I didn't use people. I didn't want to. I just… wanted to know why it was so hard to find someone I liked. It'd been so hard to get interested in someone. I couldn't even find a reason why.

I sound stupid. I should go out with him. But the thought was starting to make my stomach hurt.

Just then I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard arguing. I looked over and saw Beck trying to calm down a very pissed of Jade.

"Come on Jade, just talk to me," he said calmly. Beck, always the calm one. I don't know how he does it.

"I don't feel like talking," she said, pushing past him and heading backstage.

Beck rolled his eyes and headed over to me and Cat. "I expect you both heard that."

"Wow," I mumbled. "She's pissed off." I started to remember earlier. Maybe it hadn't been me she was angry with?

"Why is she so mad?" Cat asked.

He shrugged. "I have no idea. She's been acting so weird for the past two weeks and now she snaps at everything I do." He stopped and gave me a quick, meaningful smile that told me exactly what was going to come out of his mouth next.

"No," I said firmly, cutting him off. "Jade is already angry at me for something I did and I do not feel like dying today."

"Oh, Please, Tori. She won't talk to me and something is really bothering her," he said. "Maybe she'll talk to you."

I couldn't help but wonder what gave him the idea that Jade, of all people, would talk to me about her personal problems. I sighed. "Why is it always me that's fixing your relationship?"

Cat gasped excitedly and smiled. "Maybe, you're some kind of Relationship Fairy that was sent here to Hollywood Arts to fix Jade and Beck's relationship!"

Beck nodded. "She makes sense, Tori."

Yeah, as much sense as a talking orange, I thought. But I was born with a very crippling disability. My drive to help people. It was like some supernatural being that took over my body. The word 'no' was always in the back of my tongue, but it never came out. Something I could say I'm very jealous Trina didn't have the same problem. "Okay, I'll talk to her. But if I'm not back in five minutes, call the police."

Wanting to get this over with, I left them and headed backstage and started searching for who would most likely be the cause of my death at the age sixteen. I found Jade angrily going through backpack's probably looking for her own bag. Mr. Klein had asked the students to put their belongings here to avoid clutter and any more accidents.

The walls back here seemed sort of suffocating. We were alone, and I was nervous. Jade probably wasn't going to do anything to me, but she didn't need to. She had this camouflage over her that made her just come off as the predator to anything on the top of the food chain. I'd seen her cry before. I've seen her be weak and in need. I knew her camouflage was just that. Lots of teeth and big talk while someone smaller and scared sat in the fetal position behind their barricade made out of straw, hoping you'd be so scared and run off before you noticed it was full of holes and close to tipping over. I found myself going from being scared of her, to pitying her to no end. And that scared me. Because pity meant that insatiable drive in me to help her wouldn't just let it go and have Jade get what she deserved. No, I would bend my back over to help. I was going to end up breaking my spine in the process.

R.I.P. Tori Vega. The girl who couldn't say no. Her backbone Non-existent yet managed to break it.

I cleared her throat loudly. "Um, Jade?"

Jade looked up at me with a glare. "What do you want, Vega?"

I hesitated for a second before answering. "Beck wanted me to come ask you if you wanted to talk to me about what's been bothering you."

"Well how very Relationship Fairy-like of you," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she continued to roughly throw other peoples' items around looking for her bag.

I started to think about the whole Relationship Fairy theory a little more seriously and sighed. Maybe that's the reason I couldn't find a boyfriend to stick. Maybe my sole purpose around here was to fix everyone else's problems.

Jade found her black Gucci bag and picked it up. "What gave him the idea I would talk to you anyway?"

I shrugged. "I have no clue. But if you want to talk to someone, you can try talking to me if you want."

Jade just stopped and stared at me. The walls shrunk a little bit. The floor underneath me felt a little unstable. There's something in the air. Some kind of tension? Like, heavy contemplation was coming from both sides, causing silence. But I wasn't sure what I was thinking. What I was supposed to be doing. And I sure as hell didn't know what Jade was thinking.

Jade moves closer to me. I want to move, but my feet are glued to the ground. She stopped only inches away from me. Blue eyes look straight into mine. For the first time since I met her, there's no glare, or hatred or disgust. They're just this pleading. Ask if asking permission from me without words. I don't know what for, but I can't force myself to respond.

"Tor-Tor!" Came Cat's sing-song voice. "Tori! Where are you?"

Jade quickly stepped aside and walked quickly past me in what could've qualified as being a sprint. I heard a clack sound and looked down to the floor. There was a black notebook near my feet. She picked it up and read the cover: Journal.

"Jade!" I tried calling out, but I already knew she was gone.

I still couldn't believe that I had Jade's journal. Suddenly, my interest peeked and I started to open the notebook.

"Tori, there you are!" Cat's voice rang out. I, in my panic, closed Jade's notebook and almost dropped it. Smooth. "What's that?" Cat asked.

"Um… Nothing… Just a notebook," I stuttered. "What are you doing back here?"

"Beck told me to come make sure Jade hadn't hurt you," she replied. "Did you find out what's bothering her?"

I shook my head. "No, she wouldn't talk to me either." But now that I had obtained Jade's Journal, I didn't need to talk to the cranky Goth. The only thing was is that I wasn't sure whether or not I was willing to risk my life reading it.

**Jade's House*** Recommended song ~Right thru me by Nicki Minaj~

_You see right through me_

_how do you do that shit?_

"DAMNIT!" Jade slams her bedroom door. The familiar scent of Black Apple Spice hit her as she landed on her bed. She comes her black fingernail through her hair. Her temples pulsed. All she could think about was her hatred. Her hatred for one person. One person that kept her lying awake at night, the one person that kept her head swimming, the person whose fault it was that she screamed at her boyfriend, the person who couldn't just disappear off this earth. The person that caused those fucking stupid butterflies to ripple like tidal waves through her stomach.

Tori Vega.

She rolled onto her black, staring up at the pictures she put on her ceiling of Rolling Stones and Pink Jerry. They smiled as the posed for shots. Some were drawn by her. Others were posters or cut out of magazines.

Hot shots. Guys like Mitch. Guys with perfect smiles and ways to woe girls like no other. She couldn't get Mitch out of her head now either. Standing around flirting with Tori like he knew her. Like he actually cared. He didn't. Not the way _she _cared. Nor the way Tori deserved to be cared about.

_you let me rock, you let me slide_

_and when they looking you let me hide_

_defend my honor, protect my pride_

"Fuck!" She screams, putting the pillow over her face. The black pillow case throwing her into deeper darkness, and maybe even a little bit more of agony and despair. That could just be her. She wasn't sure.

It shouldn't bother her this much. Crushes weren't supposed to take over your life. They weren't supposed to put you into a position to make a fool out of yourself consistently. It was just a crush. Small and innocent. It should be burnt at its bud. But she knew that was a lie. This was something so much more. Tori didn't quit. She wouldn't leave her alone. This feeling was a full grown weed, out of control. No amount of weed wackers or pesticides were going to get rid of it.

Why did she love her so much? She was nothing but whiny prep with perfect skin, perfect teeth and flawless hair and soft eyes and she was so damn nice! She was perfect and no matter how hard Jade tried she couldn't get her out of her mind. It was literally driving her insane. This wildflower was poison It was going to kill her.

But until recently, She'd been so good at keeping this a secret. She'd been trying to push her away and keep all her thoughts on Beck but every time she turned around, there was Tori. Smiling, laughing, happy. Always trying to be there for her friends. Caring about people. To some extent, Jade believed it to be fake. Nobody was that nice. But Tori made it so believable.

But did she figure it out today? Did she find out how she feel? She'd acted so obvious back there. She had come so close to telling her how she felt. Why the hell had she been so stupid? All these thoughts ran through her head. A mile a minute. She had to know now…

_know when I'm lying, know when I'm crying_

_it's like you got it down to a science_

_why am I trying, no you aint lying_

_I tried to fight it, back with defiance_

_you make me laugh, you make hoarse from yelling at you_

Then again, there was a chance she didn't know. Anyone else probably would have but when it came to Tori, she always was a little slow and oblivious to things. Maybe she hadn't figured it out.

Jade started to remember how close she'd been to her today. She even remember her blushing nervously. It was probably the closest she'd ever get to kissing her. She was straight, and Jade freaked her out. Tori'd never feel the same way about as she felt about her, so there no point in hoping she would, even if it was a nice thought.

Sighing she reached to the floor and picked up her black bag. She reached in the searched for her journal, but a cold, hard realization hit her when her hand didn't find it.

Trying not to panic, she began to dig deeper searching for her beloved journal. When she didn't see it, she started to panic. Bad. Se upturned it and all its contents fell out. Jade searched through the clutter of books and makeup but couldn't find it.

Where was it? She knew I had it when I went into the stage room, but… Then it hit her. It probably fell out when she ran from Tori. She remembered hearing Tori call out my name but Jade hadn't turned around. Did she see her journal or pick it up?

She hopped up and returned her items back into her bag and raced down the stairs. She couldn't take the chance that Tori picked it up. If she read it, she'd know everything…

Jade barely had her hand on the front door knob when she heard a harsh voice call, "Where do you think you're going?"

_why are you speaking when no-one asks you?_

Jade turned knowing exactly what she was going to face. She didn't give a fuck "I'm going out for a few minutes."

"No you're not," her dad said. He was wearing his favorite gray suite and that ridiculous pink tie she hated. Means he either had an important business meeting or he was going out for a date with some slut. "Don't think I don't know about you sneaking out last week."

She hated him. With something not even rivaled to that hatred felt for the Latina. Every word he said, every movement he made. It was literally killing her he hadn't dropped dead of a heart attack. He probably thought the same about her. "Yeah, but-"

He didn't let her finish. "I don't want to hear it Jade. You're grounded for the weekend. Now give me your cellphone and your keys."

"But just let me-"

"I mean it Jadelyn!" He said. Reluctantly, she handed him both her keys and cellphone. "Now go to your room."

She sighed in defeat and headed to her room, which in all honesty, was nothing but a dark cage. She hoped that if anyone had found her journal, it wasn't Tori Vega.

_You see right through me_

_how do you do that shit?_

***Tori's Bedroom***

Later that night, I sat at my desk in my room, trying my best to concentrate on my homework. But I was failing miserably. Jade's journal sat across from me and I looked at it about every three seconds.

I had tried to give it back to Jade, but after she left backstage in such a hurry, I couldn't find her. Not to mention she wouldn't answer her phone.

Finally giving up on my homework, I reached over and grabbed the journal. I couldn't just sit here and ignore the fact that I had most of Jade's thoughts right here for me to read. I didn't want to go through her personal thoughts, but it could explain why she hated me so much.

_what are we doing_

_could you see through me?_

I opened the back cover of the book and gasped. Jade had sketched a picture… of me! What made it so weird was that it wasn't like a doodle to make fun of me like she did in during their art class assignment, it literally almost perfect sketch of my face.

This is really good, I thought. But why? Jade hated me right? Why would she put so much work into this then?

_always get the reaction you wanted_

_I'm actually frontin', I'm asking you something_

That's when I decided that maybe if I read her journal I'd figure out what's up with Jade. But I didn't just want to go through the whole thing. I had seen her writing in it earlier today, so I decided just to read the last entry she wrote:

'There she is again, Tori Vega, sitting there like a perfect little princess. God, I can't stand her and perky attitude. She had a way of getting under my nerves in ways no one else could. It was SO annoying.'

_Yo, answer this question, class is in session_

_Tired of letting passing progression_

_Ok you're right, just let it go_

_Before I played it, you knew my hand_

_N-gga got the peep hole to my soul_

I stopped reading and thought about what it said. "I'm not that perky… am I?" I muttered to myself. I shook that out of my head and decided to finish reading:

'But I think the thing I hate the most about her is how oblivious she is to everything, especially me and how I feel. I know it's stupid, but I wish she could see me differently than she does.

All day I'd been thinking about Tori. I've been thinking about what it be like to kiss her. To taste her lips on mine and what it be like to hold her in my arms…

GOD, I hate Tori for making me feel this way! The worst part about it is that she'll never see me that way. I try so hard not to think about her because I don't want to feel this way. But I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop caring about her no matter what I do. I can't ever tell her, and that kills me inside. I just wish Tori knew that…'

_Stop… stop…_

_Won't you just stop looking through me_

_Cause I can't take it_

_No I can't take it_

I gasped at the last sentence, and in my shock read it over and over again. I racked my brain, thinking maybe I was reading this wrong. Maybe I wasn't understanding this correctly. But, even after reading it a hundred times, its meaning was clear and obvious:

'I love her.'

_You see right through me_

_You see right through me baby_

_How do you do that?_

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys. This might irritate the hell out of you. I get it. But I stopped liking my own story. I can't write something if i don't even enjoy it. SO Im changing things a little bit. Its for the good. I promise.<strong>

**Review to tell me what you think?**


	2. My Only Exception

**Hey guys! I say I'm proud. This chapter is a lot different than my original one! Anyway, I kinda made a little twist, those of you who read the original might see the change.**

**By the way, lyrics are in italics. The Song is My Only Exception by Paramore.**

**Anyways, enjoy reading and drop a review if you like!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2: My Only Exception<strong>

I stared out the passenger side window as our car headed toward school. Trina was driving over sixty miles in a forty-five because we'd left late, and of course, it was her fault. She was just talking and talking about some guy she had a date with. I wasn't paying attention. My mind was still stuck on what I had read in Jade's journal. And, admittedly, on Jade.

Yeah, at first I was in shock. I mean, Jade off all people, loves me? It just didn't make sense. I spent half of the weekend in my room thinking how this was possible. Jade just about never showed any kindness to me whatsoever. It just wasn't making sense! I was sure that if anything, her diary would have been written with a whole bunch of ways to see me suffer for her entertainment. But instead they were about how she had some un-requited, complicated and nonsensical love for me.

Who would've thought?

I thought about her a lot this weekend. I'd always thought of her as a friend. Well, not exactly a friend, but someone who I tolerated around my friends. I thought she felt the same way to. I still don't know what to think about her. I don't want to see her, or talk to her. It would be awkward. I was straight. I dated guys. For reasons unbeknownst to me, Jade's feelings toward me didn't only scare me, but they made it angry. Why couldn't she have her lesbian feelings for someone else? Why would, of course, another one of her problems be forced upon me? I mean, I'm not fucking Dr. Phil or Opera. Yet somehow, this was all going to fall onto me to come up with a solution that made Jade, Beck, and everyone else happy and that I would have to suffer any consequences myself.

Why me?

"Tori!" I heard Trina yell my name beside me. Immediately I turned to my sister who had a really annoyed look on her face. "You haven't heard a word I've said, have you?"

I cleared my throat and tried to act cool and collected. "Oh sorry, Trina. I was just daydreaming I guess." I looked out the car window and noticed we were in the school parking lot. By some miracle, we were fully intact and without a ticket.

"Tori, you've been out of it all weekend," she said. "Is this about bastard ex-boyfriend of yours?" I knew she was talking about the rumor that asshole posted on splash last month. Instead of admitting I broke up with him, he decided to tell everyone he broke up with me because I cheated on him or something stupid like that. Of course, the people who knew me the best knew it wasn't true.

But the person who had given it to me the worst was Jade. I remember how she joked around about it in my face. Saying I was a bad girlfriend and saying 'Geez, Vega, I didn't know you were such a whore' in front of everyone she could at any time.

I remembered a week after it all had started, I had snapped. All day I'd been listening to the snickering and whispering and by lunch, I was already teetering on the edge of my emotional cliff. I guess I looked it, and of course, as faithful as ever, Andre asked me what was wrong.

Jade sneered. "She's probably missing one of her boyfriends."

"Jade…" Beck said in that, 'I'm warning you now to stop' voice. I wanted to say something, but my throat felt like someone was choking me.

"What?" She shrugged innocently. "Sluts get lonely real easily."

I felt hot and I couldn't breathe. Jade was always cruel to me. I had no idea why it was bothering me so much right now.

"Jade, that' not nice," Cat said.

Andre nodded. "Yea, Jade, back off."

Jade looked me dead in the eyes. She had a smile in her face. She was enjoying this mental torture. "I'm sure Vega isn't made. I'm only telling the truth."

I couldn't speak. All I could do was cry. I don't even know why I was crying. The last person I expected to show me kindness and love was Jade.

Without saying a word, I stood up and walked away, sobbing the whole time. I heard Beck scolding Jade, and Andre calling for me to come back. I ignored it and kept walking. I avoided the janitor's closet. That's where'd they would all go to look for me. Instead, I found my feet carrying me outside and behind the school. I just sat on the grass and leaned up against the wall.

It was maybe two hours later Jade had come and found me. I couldn't even muster up any anger to yell at her and tell her to leave. I'm not that mean. Sometimes I wish I was.

"Looks like you found a new spot," she had said, crossing her arms.

"Listen," I said, "if the others told you to come and apologize to me then I don't-"

"They didn't," she told me. "I want to apologize to you myself." Jade sighed and knelt down next to me. "I'm sorry."

For a minute, I thought this was a joke. "Huh?"

She couldn't look me in the eye. I didn't know what that meant. Jade wasn't one to feel ashamed, especially never one to feel apologetic. What was this?

"I don't think you're a slut," she continued. "I just… I just said that to make you upset."

"But… why?" I asked, sitting up. "Why are you always trying to make me feel upset? If you don't like me then why don't you just leave me alone? Why do you continuously torture me? What did I ever do to you?" My voice continued to rise with every word. "Just tell me!"

She finally met my gaze. Her eyes shined with something that I can only describe as sincerity. "I… don't know why I'm mean to you," she says quietly. "But… I don't want to leave you alone. I can't leave you alone."

"Why the hell not?" I asked, getting angry.

She stood up and turned her back on me. "You don't want to know."

Now I knew. All too well, I knew exactly why she couldn't leave me alone. Now I wish I didn't.

If only I was having guy troubles, then everything would be normal. "No, just thinking about... things." I finally tell her. Suddenly, Trina went into my purse and took out my phone. "What are you doing?"

"I'm downloading you a new APP," she replied, going to the APP Store on my phone. "It's called 'Fortune Teller'."

"Fortune Teller?" I needed to get her a new hobby.

Trina nodded. "It's an APP where depending on your sign and the year you were born, you'll get personal readings on your future at random times."

"Why do you think I need it?"

"Because, I know you're hurting and this might help you give you a little direction in your life. Let's read your first one:

"Your only exception may be your only weakness'", she reads. "You might be in trouble."

I rolled my eyes and snatched my cellphone from her hands. "Please, Trina, you know these things aren't real."

"Who knows Tori," she said opening the car door. "You might get played by the loophole in your own rules."

I shook my head and got out of the car, snatching my phone from her. The last thing I needed was as omen from the stars telling me my life was fucked up.

**Break~***

When the lunch bell rang, I opened my locker and pulled out Jade's journal. I had been avoiding her all day since I still wasn't sure what I was going to say when I gave it back to her.

Saying, 'Hey Jade, sorry I read your journal but I think we should talk about the way you feel about me' didn't really seem like the best approach to the situation.

"Hey Tori."

I gasped and turned around. Luckily it was only Andre. "Oh, hey Andre."

He gave me a strange look. "Are you okay, Tori? You're acting kind of weird."

"No I'm not okay," I said in one quick movement of my mouth. "Jade dropped her journal and I picked it up and…" I stopped, knowing I looked guilty as the words started falling out of my mouth.

His eyes widened. "You didn't read it, did you?"

I nodded. "Yes, and I know I shouldn't have and it was wrong but now I know something I shouldn't know and now I don't know what to do," I cried. "You've got to help me."

Andre shook his head. "Sorry, Tori but I'm not getting myself caught up in that. But if it's really important, you should probably talk to her about it."

"I want to but I have no idea what to say to her."

"Well you better figure it out soon 'cause I doubt you can avoid her much longer." I sighed and watched him walk toward the cafeteria. I wished for anything that could keep me from going to lunch at that moment…

"Hey, Tori." I turned and saw Cat standing behind me with an impossibly cute grin on her face.

I gulped and tried to act normal. "Hey, Cat. Are you going to lunch?"

She shook her head. "Not right now. I came to ask if you wanted to come to the stage room with me and check out the casting list for the play."

Thank you! "Sure, Cat." I slipped the notebook into my bag and followed her to the stage room. As we walked in, we saw a group of kids standing by the casting list. When some of them cleared, I nudged Cat in front of me. "You check first."

She nodded and checked it out. Cat turned back to me with a smile. "I got the part!"

"That's great Cat. Did I get the lead?"

She opened her mouth to reply then gasped. "Got to pee!"

"Cat!" I called out but she had already disappeared out the door. I shrugged and checked the list for my name. It read:

Tori Vega- Annie Doyle

"Congratulations Tori," someone said from behind.

I turned to see a short blond girl in a yellow and black dress smiling at meet. "Uh, thanks. Who are you?" I asked, not recognizing her.

She pointed to the list. "My name's Deana Williams. I'm your understudy."

"You must've wanted the part of Annie, huh?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, but I watched you audition and you were so good. You're like, the best actress and singer at Hollywood Arts and you totally deserved the part," she said. "But I wanted to see if you heard about Mr. Klein."

I blinked and shook my head. "No, did something happen?"

"Over the weekend, he caught the flu so the play's been put on hold for the next week or so," she said.

"That's too bad. I hope it's not going around."

"I hope it's not either I can't afford to get sick," she said. Deana pulled out her cellphone and gasped. "Oh, I have to go. Nice meeting you Tori." She gave me a friendly wave and took off. I waved back and couldn't help thinking that she was nice. We could probably become friends.

Turns out, I was wrong.

_**Break~***_

_When I was younger I saw my daddy cry_

_And curse at the wind._

_He broke his own heart and I watched_

_As he tried to reassemble it._

After school, I rushed out of Sikowitz's class in a hurry. He wanted to talk to me about a class demonstration tomorrow and I had completely lost track of time. Hopefully Trina hadn't left without me yet.

I turned the corner and then suddenly felt someone grab my arm. "Tori," the voice said.

I cringed, knowing exactly who it was. I turned and tried to hide my nervousness. "Hey Jade."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Listen, I-"

I cut her off quickly. "I know what you're going to ask me so here," I said, and pulled her journal out of my bag and handed it to her. "You dropped it backstage on Friday so I picked it up."

She snatched it away from me. "Thanks," she mumbled and started to walk off. I grabbed her wrist to stop her. "What?" She asked irritably.

I had no idea what I was doing. I could have simply gave Jade her journal and left things like that. She seemed like she didn't want to talk about it. I could pretend like I had never read a thing. But I couldn't let things go the way they were. At this rate, Jade was going to stay miserable, making Beck miserable, and making me even more miserable; Cat, Andre and Robbie would be worried about us three miserable Stooges for the rest of our lives. Something needed to be done. The elephant in the room needed to be walked out. Now I knew why the elephant was there, and what it wanted. Now was the time I needed to do something about it before it got out of control. I couldn't keep letting Jade get away with this act like I let her all the time. She couldn't be an exception anymore, no matter how bad I felt for her.

_But darling,_

_You are the only exception._

_You are the only exception._

I took a deep breath. "Jade, I sort of read your journal."

"You what?" Her face turned red and her fists clenched the notebook. "What did you read?" She asked slowly.

"I know about," I paused for a second, trying to think of what to say. The direct approach seemed like the only viable one now. "About how you feel about me."

She shook angrily. The air around us felt solid. There was that choking feeling in my throat, as if someone had their hands wrapped hard around it. "I can't believe you."

I forced myself to take a big gulp of air. It was physically painfully; a simple reminder that all of this was completely real. "I know. I shouldn't have read it and I'm so, so sorry," I said. "But, I think we should talk about this."

"I can't believe you would just read my journal like that!" she yelled angrily and took a step closer. "Don't you have any fucking morals, Vega?"

I gulped. My mouth was dry. I realized we were completely alone. Jade was angry, and as far as I was concerned, she was unstable. "J-Jade, calm down…"

"Do _not_ tell me to calm down!" She pushed me and I fell onto my back, my bag flew across the floor. I felt her fall on top of me and she stared me directly in my face. I saw the look I her eyes and was surprised that she didn't look angry. Instead, she looked hurt.

"Jade, I'm sorry," I said quietly. Her face was maybe five inches from mind. And for the split second, the world disappeared. I looked into the blue, tear-filled eyes. Suddenly, I felt this tension between us. A build up in my stomach, one that made me nauseous yet… I don't know… excited? It was like anything I had ever felt before. My head swam from the fall, but it also felt like it wasn't even my own brain sitting in my skull. I was hoping maybe we'd fallen into a different dimension where this all made sense.

Then she leaned her face down to my ear. "I guess you know how messed up I am, huh?" She hisses. "Just another piece of ammo for perfect little Tori Vega to use against the Big Bad Wolf West, huh? Now everyone will know how fucked up I am in the head, and everyone can turn their attention back to the know-it-all, stuck up, attention grabbing princess of Hollywood, right?"

She brought her head up and my cheek tingled where her lips brushed. I felt like I needed to scream, or maybe to burst into pieces. I wanted her to stop… stop everything. Stop making judgments of me, stop existing. I wanted the favors I did for her to mean something. I wanted her to see _me_. Jade was one of the few people on this world that saw me like this. Saw me as some bad person. She saw a side of me that needed to be punished for the terrible wrong I've done, one I'm not even aware of.

_And I've always lived like this_

_Keeping a comfortable distance._

_And up until now I have sworn to myself_

_That I'm content with loneliness._

It hurts my pride. It shouldn't be so difficult to make her like me, or see me. It hurt I let her punish me, deal out hit after every fucking hit. She was the one exception. He was allowed to hate me, to hurt me, to put me through never-ending suffering. I let her do it because I know _she _was suffering on the inside. I made excuses for her, telling myself she's a lot more troubled than me. I tell myself that when it was all said and done, I was the bigger person for turning a blind eye. But I could see, and I wanted her to see too. I wanted her to see I'm not bad. To understand I've been trying to help her. I needed this. Because one day, her hate for me might make me look at myself a little differently. I might doubt who I am. I might doubt all the 'good' I've done. I would doubt what I really do. She is the one person in my whole life that doesn't congratulate me off the bat. She forces me to look twice, to doubt, to try again, to act like my life isn't all one color and full of straightforward directions.

"Jade," I choke, but the words come too slow, too weak.

"Save it, Tori. I don't know why either of us even bother." And just like that she stood up and walked off.

Before I could even get up, I heard footsteps come up from behind me. "Tori!" I turned my head and saw Trina staring down at me. "What are you doing on the floor?"

"Sorry Trina, I-"

"No time for that." She grabbed my wrist and pulled me to my feet. "I have an appointment at the boutique and you're going to make me late. You better hope they don't give my spot away. I have to look good for my date tomorrow."

I came to a complete stop. "Wait, you have a date?"

"Yes," she replied harshly, pulling me out of the school and down the parking lot. "I told you about it this morning while you were ignoring me. Now move!"

_**Break~***_

About an hour later, I parked my car in front of Jade's house. I knew I absolutely needed to talk to her now. Luckily, Trina got to her appointment just in time and I was able to convince her to let me leave for a little while with the car. I'm not a good driver and I only have my permit, but Jade's house wasn't far and I was feeling brave now, a feeling that could easily disappear by tomorrow.

Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I started walked up to the door and stopped. I still wasn't sure what to say to her, especially after that encounter in the hallway at school.

Just when I decided it might be best to leave, the front door opened and Jade's dad walked out. "Oh! Hi," he said, surprised. "Are you here to see Jade?"

I gulped and nodded. "Yeah, I wanted to talk to her, but if she's busy or something I can leave…"

He shrugged and invited me in. "No, she's upstairs. You can go on and see her." He nodded slightly and left out the door without a second glance.

Not the friendliest greeting ever, I thought, heading upstairs. For a second, I hesitated, wondering where Jade's room was. Then, I heard loud music coming from the end of the hall. I followed it and stopped in front of a closed door where the music was coming from. Definitely Jade's room.

I took a deep breath and knocked. No answer. I tried knocking a little louder but still no answer. Sighing, I opened the door and poked my head inside.

I saw Jade standing by a large stereo. She was violently ripping the pages from her journal and putting them into a small black shredder under the window.

I gulped. "Ugh, Jade?"

She turned to me and then turned off the music. Everything became strangely silent. "What the fuck are you doing here?" She asked. "Want to rub it in before you tell everyone?"

"Jade, you know I wouldn't tell anybody else."

"Well I also didn't think you'd be so fucking nosy and start rifling through my journal!" She said, ripping apart what was left of the binding.

"I'm sorry," I tell her. "I know that reading your journal was wrong and I really am sorry," I said. "But I want to know when you started feeling like this? You are dating Beck…"

"No fucking duh I'm dating Beck!" Jade yelled. Then she turned away from me. "So why do you think this is easy for me? I don't even fucking _like _girls. You just…"

"I just what?" I asked hesitantly.

She shook her head. "I don't even fucking know." She goes to her bed. "I never wanted to care about you. I didn't even want to like you."

"Jade," I said quietly, walking to her bed. Her room smelt of her sweet lavender shampoo and a hint of those hot mints she really likes.

"You care about me so much," she says quietly, staring down at the floor. "You do everything and anything for me, no matter how I act. I hate you for making me love you so much. I can't breathe when I'm around you because I can't figure what the fuck is wrong with you. Why you are so nice to me after I've treated you like shit? Your always there for me and I don't know how to get you to just fucking stop being there. It's driving me fucking insane! No one is this fucking amazing. You can't be! And I love you because… you're exactly what I want, and your exactly what I can't have." She cried that last part and her head fell into her hands.

_I've got a tight grip on reality,_

_But I can't let go of what's in front of me here._

_I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up._

_Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream._

_Oh-oh-oh-ohhh._

She was right. It didn't make sense. I couldn't picture anyone ever treating me the way she did and me continuing to care about them. Jade was a special case. This broken up girl I was staring at cry her eyes out was the one I wanted to help. She was the only exception in my life, I could attest to that. I wanted to prove myself to her. That I was the good person everyone else saw me as.

Then, an idea came to me. A crazy idea. A very thoughtless and drastic one that could either make us all happy or destroy everything and send me straight to hell. One I knew I would regret. But I couldn't see Jade like this. I can't watch her be upset. And I needed to prove myself, for my own selfish reasons. I wanted to prove I could make everyone happy, that I was likable. It was something to hold on too.

I sat down on the bed next to Jade. Without thinking about it I wrapped my arms around her and pulled the sobbing girl closer to me. "It's alright Jade," I say quietly. "I'm not going to go anywhere."

She stopped crying and sniffled, looking into my eyes. "But… you know."

I nodded. "Yeah, I do. But I'm thinking, maybe you and I… we could…. I don't know, work something out. Between you and me."

She looked confused, as if I wasn't really saying this. "What are you talking about?"

I took a deep breath. The air was getting heavy again, like cement in place of oxygen. "I'm saying, maybe we could, try this," I said, waving my hand in a kind of awkward way. "Almost like an experiment I guess. Just… you know, to see where it goes?"

"Are you… serious?" She didn't even try to hide her disbelief.

I nodded. I knew I was going to regret this. Nothing good could come out of leading her on, but maybe I could prove myself. I couldn't keep making excuses for her behavior towards me. Either I do something drastic like this or walk away for good. But I couldn't leave her without trying one more time. If this didn't work, then I guess nothing will.

_You are my only exception,_

_You are my only exception_

"Oh, alright," she says, pulling away from me. It's silent in the room for a minute, then I check my phone.

"I uh, need to get Trina from the boutique," I tell her. "We can… maybe hang out tomorrow… at my place?"

She mumbled 'sure' and I, gratefully, stood up and left. As I walked outside, I started believing this plan might work. Maybe Jade can work out her feelings, and we could all move on. If not, well, then I guess I will just have to move on without her. After all, she's my only exception, and those can easily become harmful.

_You are my only exception,_

_And I'm on my way to believing._

_Oh, and I'm on my way to believing._

_~/~/~_

**Will her plan work? Maybe….**

**Better Days, Readers!**


	3. Promises Drowned in Dr Pepper

_Song Lyrics_**- Promises by Wiz Khalifa~**

This was a terrible fucking idea.

What in the hell was I thinking. Today went by way too fast. Any other day school would've dragged on for forever, but today each minute was like a nano-second. It also sucked that the director was sick. The play was put off and I didn't have an excuse. Jade was going to come over. And I have no idea how to deal with it.

Secretly, I'd been hoping Jade would text me and call it off. Or she would just decide to show up. My hopes were crushed when she texted me only a few moments after I came home that she would be here at four. After panicking for over an hour, I now had only a few more minutes before Jade was supposed to show up.

It couldn't be that bad. I had spent very little one on one quality time with the Goth before, but it was… somewhat tolerable. I was going to make a promise to myself. I will talk to her. I'm not sure about what yet. Still, yesterday she'd been to upset to talk much about anything. Today at school, she hadn't said a single word, which was actually kind of scary.

Then my iPear rings that jingle tune my sister hates. For a second, I'm scared to look at it. But I take a deep breath and glance at the screen. I'm filled with relief and answer the phone.

"Hey, Andre."

"Hey, Tori!" He says cheerfully. I can hear a lot of clatter in the background. "You okay? You seemed kind of… upset today."

Oh, yeah…" Leave it up to Andre to see when something was bothering me. "It was… Trina."

"Trina?"

"Yeah," I say hastily. "She'd been… bothering me all the night before about some date she was having today and I guess I was just drained." That wasn't a complete lie. Trina had been talking about it all night in my room. Not that I was listening. My mind was playing over the whole Jade situation. It was sometimes just better to let Trina talk and ignore her than to tell her to go away. That way she wouldn't start a scene or complain.

"I feel bad for that guy," he said. "By the way, I wanted to know if you wanted to come to that new pie shop with Cat and Robbie and me."

"Oh, I would love to but…" Like hell I was going to go in to explanation about my predicament. "I have way too much homework to do, ya know? Maybe next time?"

"Oh, okay."

I felt bad. I hated lying to Andre. Even though he is one of my best friends, I sometimes felt like he might like me more than just as a friend. But I definitely didn't want anything more with him. Also, I felt sorry for leaving him with Cat and Robbie for a while afternoon. Not that they weren't our friends, but Robbie brought that smart ass puppet along with him wherever he went and Cat was well… Cat.

"I text you later, cool?" I tell him quickly.

"Yeah, alright. See you tomorrow."

I hung up, letting my phone fall onto the bed. Now time to figure out what I was going to do when Jade got here.

The doorbell rang. Just great. I didn't even have time to worry about it anymore.

_Say baby, Imma wake up for you_

_Imma have my way with your body_

_And when I'm done touching you_

_I bet you won't wanna_

_Give yourself to nobody_

I went downstairs and stopped briefly at the front door. My stomach felt like someone had wrapped their fists around it. Let me get this over with before I pass out.

I open the door. Jade stood there, that unreadable expression set with a small frown. I step aside, motioning awkwardly into the front room.

"Hey Jade," I say. I wonder if my voice is cracking. "Come in."

Jade walks past me with cautious strides. "That frog you're related isn't here is she?"

I lock the door behind me. "No. Trina has a… date."

Jade stopped at the couch and just stared at me. "Excuse me?"

I shrug. "Yeah, I don't know. She didn't say with who."

"She's probably paying them." Jade sits on the couch and switches on the TV. "You got food?" Jade didn't beat around the bush, I give her that.

"Uh sure…" I step away from the door and head to the kitchen. I noticed the frozen chicken sitting on the sink my mom was cooking for dinner tonight. Frozen meat is such an eye sore in my opinion.

I pulled out a bowl and a bag of Doritos. I poured the chips and thought of what I should say to Jade. I had the whole, 'Listen we need to talk' part, but I had zero knowledge of the right words to say after that. This shouldn't be as difficult as I was making it.

_It's like we're the only ones_

_And I already feel it now_

I grabbed two diet Dr. Peppers and the bowl and walked back into the front room. Jade's channel surfing had ended, and she had settled for some strange crime show I'd never heard of. I sit down with about a foot of space between us. I put the bowl on the coffee table and hand her a one of the diet Dr. Peppers.

"I hate Dr. Pepper," she says taking it from me.

"Well you didn't tell me."

"You didn't ask." She took a big swig of it and licked her lips."

I roll my eyes. "Well don't drink it if you don't like it."

"I'm thirsty," she says. "And I don't feel like waiting for you to get me another drink."

I let out a frustrated grunt. "Then why are you even complaining if you're going to drink it?" Was Jade this difficult with Beck too? Geez, I give props to that guy for putting it with it for over two years.

Jade shrugged. "Thought you should know."

I shake my head and turn back to the television. I didn't feel like arguing with her over it.

_So don't let me down_

_You made those promises_

_Don't take 'em back now_

The next thirty minutes went by pretty slowly. The bowl of Doritos went untouched. That fist was still clenched around my stomach. My appetite was gone along with my nerves. I couldn't bring myself to say anything else to her. I wanted to, but it just wouldn't surface. I could get up and sing in front of a crowd of people at any time of the day, but one person, Jade West, had me completely disconcerted. What was I afraid of? It had been long since I was actually afraid of Jade. Maybe it was the situation I was stuck in that made me want to crawl under a rock and hide from everything.

There was another commercial break. I watched as those girls on the tampon commercials did backflips and tightrope walking. Hah, if only that were fifty percent true.

"I'm sorry."

My head snapped to the side. What did she just say? Sorry? That word wasn't in the Jade West dictionary. No. I heard her wrong.

"Excuse me?"

"I said I'm sorry," she repeated, to my complete astonishment. Yep, I had fallen into a completely different universe. If I walked outside right now it'd probably be raining bacon and everyone would be wearing chicken costumes and I still wouldn't be more shocked than I am now.

"For what…?"

All the noise from the television faded far into the background. All my focus was on Jade… or what looked like her. It might be a robot.

_How to make the time stand still_

_We're caught in the moment_

She sighed. "For everything." Jade chuckled. "Let's be honest, Vega, I'm a fucking bitch. Especially to you."

"Jade…" I didn't know what to say. Should I say I forgive her? I hadn't even wanted an apology from her. The way Jade acted… it had become just part of my life. Andre and I laugh and sing, Robbie argues with his puppet, Cat makes weird noises and says things that don't make sense. And Jade, well, she was just Jade. The girl with a constant attitude. The girl no one could make happy. The girl with an amazing voice and an abyss of talent; a complete mystery from the inside to out. She was like a house without any doors. All the drapes were drawn. There was a mystery lying in there, and only one person knew what was behind those walls. I was beginning to see cracks in the foundation. This house was about to fall, and I was at jeopardy of being crushed by the debris.

"I just don't know how to be any different," she said quietly, staring at her lap. "You… you make it seem so easy, trusting people. You let them in, even when you know they could hurt you. I practically torture you, but you still trust me. You still try and be my friend. It doesn't make sense." I could see tears running down those white doe cheeks. It was breaking my heart.

I clear my throat. "We've never exactly been friends, I know. It always felt like you didn't want to be my friend but… Honestly, I care about you. That's never changed."

_So don't let me down_

_You made those promises_

_Don't take em back now_

_Don't let me down_

She finally looks at me. I've never noticed up until this point how blue her eyes were. Almost like two cerulean oceans staring right at me.

"I'm scared," she says. "I'm scared I'm going to get hurt."

I reach over and grab her hand. I can see that she's fighting something deep down inside her. I know I can't fight the battle for her, but at least I can be there for her. Let her know she isn't alone.

"Jade, I promise, I won't hurt you. Just... give me a chance." I had to choke that last part out. That fist clenching around my stomach had now crawled up to my throat and had begun squeezing. "I won't let you down."

I waited for her answer, trying to remember how to breathe. Time had stopped and I was suffocating. I have no idea why she had this effect on me. All my focus was on her. This mystery, this dark place, this crying girl, this broken person.

And without a single word, Jade tilted her head and kissed me.

I was too shocked to do anything. I was paralyzed. I couldn't move, I couldn't push her away. I think my heart stopped. The whole world just faded away. I could be falling right now and I wouldn't know it. The only thing registering in my brain were Jade's lips against mine. They were soft. And she smelt like strawberry shampoo.

Jade pulls away from me. Neither of us says anything. She looks confused, almost scared as she stares back at me. I'm pretty sure I have the same expression on my face. My hearts racing, and I feel like I might faint. The air around us was thick and tense. The television and snacks long forgotten. It's just us. And, worryingly, it didn't feel completely… Wrong.

I lick my lips and break the silence. "You… you taste like Dr. Pepper." I stare directly at her lips.

Her chest is moving up and down as she tries to catch her breath. "It's… It's not so bad."

She leans in and kisses me again. This time I kiss her back. I've never claimed to be the Queen of Good Decisions, and I'll admit, I was probably making a mistake. None of this made sense. Logic was thrown out the window and replaced with hormones and some vicious self-regarding requisite we were both looking for. It didn't matter if this was right or if it made sense. It just worked. I know I'm going to kick myself later for doing this. You always regret the mistakes after you or someone else gets hurt. But it felt so good to be selfish. Amazing, actually. I was lost in this moment, these kisses… And as Jade pushes me down on the couch and continue to kiss me, there's only one coherent sentence running through my head…

I really like Dr. Pepper.

_Do all the things you said that had me going_

_Let's get caught in the moment_

_Let's get caught in the moment_

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys. Sorry about the lack of updates. FOr a while, I didn't even have a computer. I just got a new one a month ago, but I've just been too depressed to right. It's just, been a long year, ya know? Got a lot on my mind and a lot to do. I can't promise much but I will try my best. <strong>

**Hope you enjoyed. Drop a review. Thanks for the support guys. I really appreciate it.**

**Yours Truly, Fruity~**


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